Forever in the heart
by TW-addict
Summary: "...wanting to make sure her baby knew she was loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally, only really truly understanding now what true love was. She hadn't felt it before, hadn't even believed in it until this little person, this precious little heaven sent Angel started growing inside her" - Kayla's final goodbye to her daughter, Mia. Pre series snippet. Angsty af. Sorry not lmao


**Disclaimer: teen wolf does not belong to me. In evil. I'm straight up evil and sadistic I know but something compelled me to write this and I had to haha, hope you enjoy :)**

"Hush little baby, don't say a word... Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

She didn't know where she was. She didn't know the date, the day nor the time. She didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore, her entire world collapsing around her.

She had months to prepare for this moment, months of knowing that the baby growing inside her wasn't going to live outside the womb but that preparation meant _nothing_.

How could you possibly prepare for the fact that your child, your _baby_ , the one you felt kick inside you, the baby you had grown to love more and more every day, was going to die? How could you find peace with that when all you would think about is the life she could've had?

"And if that mockingbird won't sing... Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

And she did wonder... How her life could've been, that was. Would she enjoy sports? Or be more arty? Would she have had to have worn glasses? What would her favourite colour be? Her favourite food? All these things Kayla would never know about her baby because fate was cruel, robbing her of a chance at life before she even got to try.

"And if that diamond ring turns brass... Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass..."

And here she was, cradling her tiny baby in her arms, rocking her slowly as she sang to her like any loving mother would.

She was so tiny, so innocent and pure. Kayla's own little bundle of joy. Giving birth to her daughter should've been the happiest moment of her life but instead it was the worst. Not because of the pain, no. She would go through that over and over again for all eternity even if it meant just having a few more precious moments with her baby. But she couldn't. As much as she wished and preyed for her baby to start crying, to squirm in her grip, she never. She was perfectly still, like a child's doll.

"And if that looking glass gets broke... Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat..."

How could something be so perfect?

She gazed down onto her daughter's face - her tiny little button nose, those irresistible chubby cheeks, perfectly shaped bowed pink lips and those crinkled shut eyes, eyes she wanted nothing more than to open, to see the sweet innocent green staring back at her but it wouldn't happen. Not now, not ever.

She had never wanted to be a mom. She never had that maternal streak inside her. Maybe it was selfish but she didn't want to love something so fragile, something that had the power to take over her entire life - only now she wanted a second chance. She wanted to be a mom to her baby. She wanted to play peek-a-boo, to change dirty diapers and cuddle her baby to sleep. She wanted to feel her heartbeat, to make sure she was safe and loved, something she, herself, hadn't felt in so long. She wanted the chance to be the best mum any little girl would be proud of. Why didn't she get a chance to love her?

"And if that billy goat won't pull... Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull..."

Her voice was quiet and sad, cracking as she tried to hold back her tears. No, she couldn't cry. Her baby, her Mia, didn't deserve seeing her mom break down. She had to be strong. She _had_ to.

...

... But she didn't want to be.

She adjusted her arms a little, Mia's tiny little body moving to nestle closer in her arms as she sat on the bed in the hospital, reaching out to trace the curve of her baby's nose. Aiden's, for sure.

God, she was so beautiful. So perfect. Her daughter, the one thing she valued most in life. It wasn't right. She should've had a chance at life. She didn't know what was worse, trying to come to terms with reality, with the fact her baby had left her, or the continuous imaginings of what could have been.

"And if that cart and bull turn over... Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover..."

She would never hear her say mommy.

She would never get to hold her hand to cross the street.

She would never get to hold her, or rock her to sleep or sing her a lullaby.

Her baby would be all alone.

"And if that dog named Rover won't bark...Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart..."

Her heart was heavy, her body physically exhausted. She couldn't do this. She _couldn't_ say goodbye. She couldn't part with her baby, the one she had cherished and grown inside her for months. She didn't want to let go, because if she let go that meant abandoning her child. She wouldn't feel the warmth of Kayla's arms, just the cold harsh reality of death.

"A-And if that horse and cart fall down... You'll still be the sweetest little b-baby in town..."

She couldn't do this. She couldn't give up her baby, she just _couldn't_. What kind of mother did that make her? She had already failed, unable to keep her baby safe. She couldn't let her down again. She _couldn't_. She _couldn't_. She _**couldn't**_.

"Kayla..." She jumped a little at the voice, twisting her tear stained face to the entrance where she saw Ethan hovering, a nurse by his side with a baby basket, "it's time"

No. No. No, not yet. There wasn't enough _time_. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye properly, to sing her more sweet songs or make sure she was warm. To kiss those tiny toes or memorise the weight of her in her arms.

There wasn't enough time to fit an entire lifetime of memories into just a few short moments.

She shook her head quickly, hugging her baby closer to her chest, "no... N-No, I need m-more time"

"Kay..." Ethan's voice was soft and hesitant, "it's been two days-" it couldn't have been that long, could it? "-Mia needs to be buried"

No, she needed to be _alive_. She needed to be with her mom. She needed people to not give up on her. She didn't need to be left all alone in the cold, unforgiving earth. No baby should.

"N-No" she whispered, shaking her head a few fresh tears fell from her cheeks, "just g-go away"

"Kayla... Mia needs to be at rest now" he continued, "it's only right"

Was it so bad she just wanted to hold her baby forever? To keep her safe? To be a mom, even for a little while longer? Was she such a terrible person that all of that would get snatched away from her so soon? So cruelly?

"Shhhhh" she whispered, lifting Mia up and holding her against her shoulder, rubbing her back as if trying to ease a child's hiccups, "don't be sad, baby girl... Mommy loves you s-so much... And I know if your daddy c-could see you right n-now, he would too..."

Mia's skin was cool against her neck, her little limbs unmoving and unresponsive as Kayla ached to feel them tighten around her like she was hugging her back, like she yearned for her so was left to sob against her small body, quivering in total despair as she saw the nurse inch forward, wheeling the baby basket and knew what that meant.

It meant she had give her up and never see her again.

She didn't know if she could face that.

She kissed the top of her head, lowering her gently to rest on her knees as she carefully grasped her tiny hand, stroking her teeny fingers before brushing her lips along the perfect pink skin, wanting to make sure her baby knew she was loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally, only really truly understanding now what true love was. She hadn't felt it before, hadn't even believed in it until this little person, this precious little heaven sent Angel started growing inside her.

She hated Aiden, she loathed him and everything he did to her but he gave her Mia... A part of her would _always_ love him for that.

"You... Y-You are the _o-one_ good thing to-to come out of t-this" she whispered, unable to stop the tears flowing as she stared onto her baby's scrunched, peaceful face, "e-everything that happened, everything that will happen, w-was worth it to... To meet you. To l-love you. I'm... I'm just so s-sorry you don't get to h-hear it"

No first steps.

No birthdays.

No school report cards.

No braiding each others hair or teaching her how to ride a bike.

No first boyfriend or girlfriend.

No nothing.

Just an endless expance of possibilities. Of wondering.

So she just simply touched her two fingers to her lips, transferring the softest of kisses to her daughter's forehead before placing her gently in the basket - the last time she would see her.

"M-Mommy loves you" she hiccuped, arms wrapped around herself as she watched the nurse wheel her child away, "I-I love you Mia... Don't be s-scared... Mommy's with y-you... _Al-Always..."_

"Hey, hey shhhh, it's okay" Ethan saw her crumble, her legs giving way from under her as caught her, "I'm here, it's alright, just let it out Kay... Let it out..."

She bunched his shirt in her grasp, clinging to him for dear life, "I want my b-baby back Ethan... Please... _P-Please_ bring her b-back... Please... _Please_..."

He cupped the back of her head, consoling her, "I would if I could Kay, believe me I would"

And as much as he tried to reassure, to calm her down, to make things better, it didn't work. Nothing worked. Nothing _would_ work. She was cursed to spend the rest of her life with this enormous hole in her heart, forever grieving for the child she loved but lost.

 **A/N) it's official, I'm a sociopath lmao haha but I hope you enjoyed (well, as much as any sane person can enjoy reading dead baby stories) haha and please please pretty please review, love you all, see you in my next update (whatever story that may be) ha X**


End file.
